Thursday, July 10, 2008

Death to the cracker infidels!


PZ is becoming the clown prince of atheism, remember when he got thrown out of Expelled? Well, now he has come to the attention of Catholic League president Bill Donohue.

The Catholic League is preparing a stake for me. They're going to go straight for the jugular and threaten my job — notice how they repeat that you can access my post from my faculty page, nicely avoiding the fact that the post they find so offensive is not hosted on any university server, and that they are urging everyone to harass the president of my university and the regents and the Minnesota legislature. Extortionists and witch hunters, that's all these scumbags are.

The Catholic League is getting all hot and bothered about PZ's threats of cracker abuse. Congratulations PZ! You're now as officially famous as D-list actress Kathy Griffin.

By the way, what the hell is the Catholic League? It seems to be made up of only one guy, Bill Donohue.



PZ, in his July 8 post, "It's a Frackin' Cracker," wrote that he wanted to desecrate the Eucharist when reporting on what happened at the University of Central Florida when a student walked out of Mass with the Host, holding it hostage for several days:

I'll show you sacrilege, gladly, and with much fanfare. I won't be tempted to hold it hostage (no, not even if I have a choice between returning the Eucharist and watching Bill Donohue kick the pope in the balls, which would apparently be a more humane act than desecrating a goddamned cracker), but will instead treat it with profound disrespect and heinous cracker abuse, all photographed and presented here on the web.

It seems PZ's threat to use a Holy Jesus Body Wafer to wipe his ass has caused Billy boy to call down a fatwā (pronounced "Fat Whaaa?") on our esteemed atheist cult leader.

Apparently, if you take a cracker out of church and blindfold it and water-board it, it is sacrilege, but if you chew it up in an act of symbolic cannibalism, thus exposing it to stomach acids and mixing it into your feces and expelling it through your anus, it is not sacrilege.

How serious a threat is this? Well, it's either incredibly serious or else Bill Donohue suffers from a dangerous lack of imagination seeing as how he wrote:
It is hard to think of anything more vile than to intentionally desecrate the Body of Christ.

Is it really that hard to think of anything more vile than to abuse a dry and tasteless cracker? How about pissing on the Koran? How about cartoons of that Islamic dude with the bomb in his head towel? How about what the Spanish Inquisition (Ha! I bet you weren't expecting that!) did to Graham Chapman and John Cleese?



How about rape, the holocaust, necropedophilia or flag burnin'? How about Dafur or Zimbabwe or California? How about necropedophilial rape and flag burnin' in California with the Spanish Inquisition?



That's how serious cracker abuse is. I know, you're thinking, "but it's a cracker. A processed wheat product." No it's not just a cracker, it just looks like a cracker, it's really the body of Christ that was completely reduced to its component molecular and atomic structures and made into a cracker during a magic priestly ritual. Christians then eat the Body of Christ and drink his blood, and that's why wine is called Jesus juice. Christians have this weird ritual cannibalism.

So, you can see why these Christian cannibals are very touchy about their crackers.

PZ found it easy to think of things far more vile than cracker abuse:
Hey, Bill! I can think of something more vile! How about intentionally desecrating the bodies of young altar boys who respect the position of trust held by Catholic priests? I think that is a lot more vile than mistreating a cracker. In fact, I can think of innumerable vile acts going on all around the world right now, and not all of them even involve Catholicism. It takes the moral vacuum of a purblind ideological bigot like Bill Donohue to think that goring his sacred cow is the worst thing in the world.

I'm not sure if they would be upset if I went to communion and took a wafer, pulled out a bowl of French Onion Freedom dip and dipped the cracker in it for flavor, but I expect rioting in the streets and the burning of embassies.

You'd think that if these crackers were so important to them, they'd keep them under tight security. No, pieces of their deity can be bought easily on the intertubes. You can buy his body and blood at Kingdom.com, here, and elsewhere.

That means I hope to be seeing youTube videos of your blindfolded crackers soon.

UPDATE:
I suspected that future toddler chopper Vox Day would have something to say about PZ's run-in with Bill the shrill Donohue, Vox just hates PZ for ignoring him all this time, and I was right. Vox has his post up at: "Social autism strikes again." Here's a taste of the irony:

The question of desecrating the Host aside, there's little question that there is very little, if anything, respectful, fair, or civil about PZ's nasty Internet morass.

And...

... unlike PZ, I am not socially autistic, ...

Try hanging around in my social circles, Vox. You're worse than socially autistic, you're considered dangerously and violently psychotic.

4 comments:

DrBadger said...

sweet... I'd love to see those videos. Let's see how many people get their jobs (and lives) threatened because of a cracker.

Anonymous said...

"NOBODY expects the Spanish Inquisition!"

but by now we've ALL come to expect bill donahue and the catholic league.

(yeah, i came up with that one all by myself)

i must say, given that i had to promise i wouldn't swoon at the shocking goings-on here before i was permitted to pass through the portal, i'm actually disappointed. "it's just a blog!"

i'll explore your posts further to see if i can ferret out some unseemliness to swoon over.

the exploding cracker has created massive traffic not just for pz myers. it's getting you additional traffic as well (me -- ta-da!)

i have also visited the youtube "blasphemy challenge" department.

bill donahue really should have just kept his silly mouth shut, and the church official who assaulted webster cook in church precipitating his flight with said cracker should have kept her hands to herself.

cheers.

Skepoet said...

Good points. You know what bugs me at the end of the day: That any counter-attack will give the Anti-Defamation league grist for their bullshit spew.

normdoering said...

Skepoet wrote:
"...any counter-attack will give the Anti-Defamation league grist for their bullshit spew."

Not necessarily. If a ton of bloggers started echoing PZ's threat to desecrate crackers there is no way Bill's group could keep up.